I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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