Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
