Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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