There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
