I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
this hospital has no fireball
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I need water and some morals
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
