Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
