Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
