You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
