now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
