My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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