Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
