i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
