party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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