yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
