I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
