I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
