A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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