Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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