alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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