I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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