He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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