i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
