Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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