Fuck appropriateness.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
