Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
