But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
