Me. At least after what I've been through.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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