If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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