Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
When did angry sex become our thing?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
