I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
