Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
