Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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