Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
