My balls are so social today.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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