I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
