apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
