Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
