Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
