so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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