When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
