I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
