I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
