Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
