Jerry, you need to find god
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
