The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
