It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
