Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
