bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Alive.
So much puke
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
