I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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