The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
