I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
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