The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
