If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
