So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
